Lemo's going crazy
by LemoandJub
Summary: Random oneshots! Compleate BS! If you have a random sense of humour, you'll love this! Most of thes were written at 1am! YAY FOR 1AM! Rated for language.
1. Wasabi

Lemo sat on a stool in the corner of Gryffindor Common Room. In her hands she held a small green satchel, about the size of those little ketchup thingies you get at McDonalds.

"Ah, my precious." Lemo murmured in a very Gollum like way. "What would I do without you, my precious wasabi?" Lemo stroked the little green packet and gave it a hug.

At that moment, Ambo and Jub walked into the Common Room.

"Watcha got there, Lemo?" enquired Andy.

Lemo sprang up from her seat. "Nothing!" she exclaimed, and ran up the stairs to her dormitory.

"Ok…that was odd, even for Lemo…" Jub mused.

Ambo shrugged. "Eh well, Lemo always been strange. Anyway, like I was saying, do you know where I put my giant slice of cheese?"


	2. Thunk

Harry sat on a couch in a dark room. In front of him was a very large plasma screen TV.

"_**This is an odd place isn't it? Do you live here?"**_

"_**No!"**_

_**Thunk!**_

Harry started laughing again as Ron hit his old DADA teacher on the head with a rock, and said ex-teacher passed out. With tears of laughter streaming down his face he hit the rewind button and "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" rewound a few minuets back.

"_**This is an odd place isn't it? Do you live here?"**_

"_**No!"**_

_**Thunk!**_

Harry spluttered and broke into a coughing fit. He couldn't get over this, it was just too funny. The door to the Room of Requirement flew open, and who should walk in but Ron.

"Watcha watching, Harry?" he asked sitting down on the couch next to the heavily breathing boy-who-lived.

Harry didn't answer, but handed the video case to Ron and rewound the tape again. "Watch this!" he gasped.

"_**This is an odd place isn't it? Do you live here?"**_

"_**No!"**_

_**Thunk!**_

Now it was Ron's turn to laugh hysterically. "This is great!" he managed to get out after a while. "I've always wanted to relive this moment!"

And that's what Ron and Harry did for the rest of the afternoon. Well, that and eat pickles, but that's another story!


	3. Normal potions lesson

Harry Potter was walking through the hallways of Hogwarts. Upside down. On his hands. And everyone was staring at him. But he didn't care! But that was mainly because the skirt of his floral pink dress hand fallen down (or was it up..?) over his face and he couldn't see everyone staring at his boxers, which, of course, were pink with the words 'I ♥ Johnny Depp' printed on them.

As Harry hand-walked into potions, he happened to notice that Snape had dressed up in a pink tutu, had spiked his greasy hair into a Mohawk, and was wearing a large amount of bright yellow lipstick. Harry then proceeded to sitting next to Hermione (On his head), who was currently rolling a joint.

"Want one?" she asked. Harry looked up at her and noticed he had gotten about 12 more piercing over the summer, so that totaled to about 27 now.

"Nah I got about 6 in my back pocket." He responded.

At that moment the classroom door opened with a 'bang' and Ron walked in. "Hellooooooo!" he said with a hype, and rather feminine voice.

"Late again!" Snape boomed as he did a pirouette and pointed his large, hairy feet (rather like a hobbits­).

"Sorry, Sevvy!" Ron squealed and sat down next to Harry, biting his fingernails and twirling a bit of his hair.

Snape just huffed and started writing some potions crap on the board.

"You been into the estrogen again?" Harry asked.

"Why do you always accuse me of things!" Ron wailed, covering his eyes with his hands an proceeding to sob.

"That's a yes then." Hermione said tactlessly (causing Ron to sob all the more) and lit her joint before stuffing it in her mouth.


	4. Lemon Drops

Lemon Drops.

By Lemo.

Professor Albus Dumbledore sat at his place at the teachers table in the Great Hall, looking rather depressed. It wasn't often that the headmaster looked so forlorn and didn't have that annoying twinkle in his eyes, so this unnerved nearly all the teachers, and most of the students.

Nearly everyone had come to the conclusion it must have something to do with Voldemort or something along those lines, what else could sadden the professor so?.

Dumbledore sighed and pushed his food about on his plate, not eating it. He was about to get up and return to his office when one of the windows lining the ceiling burst open and an owl flew in holing a package in its claws.

It landed gracefully next to the Headmaster, (who had suddenly seemed to brighten a little) dropped the package, stole a bit of Dumbledore untouched dinner, and flew off again.

Professor Dumbledore clutched the package in his hands, nearly everyone in the Hall watching him, before ripping open the seal, jumping up and yelling, "YES!"

He then walked out of the great Hall; a huge grin on his face, and a packet of Lemon Drops in his arms.


End file.
